Last October I woke up one day and decided I was tired of being the fat girl. Tired of walking into a room and glancing around to see if I’m the biggest one there. Tired of shopping trips that end in discouragement when I can’t find anything fashionable that looks good on me. Tired of walking past a mirror and feeling disgusted at the reflection staring back.
I made a decision that day to start losing weight for the very last time, and I started this blog as a way to keep me motivated and give me some public accountability.
Since that day, a lot of things have happened in my life. Hard things– jobs lost, car accidents, a sibling struggling with addiction, anxiety, depression, health scares and more. And happy things–a new job working from home, new friends made, more peace in our blended family, my oldest daughter getting married, and some amazing opportunities resulting from my work here at Sublime Reflection.
And all the while, I’ve been focused on my health and weight loss journey. I started training for a half marathon. My training was going well and I was getting stronger. I loved the feeling of pushing myself and being surprised at how much my out-of-shape body could actually do. I was eating clean and feeling healthier every day. I lost around 40 pounds, and then life happened.
I could blame the extra hours at work and the non-stop effort that building a blog requires. I felt torn as I tried to balance it all and guilty when I took time out to exercise when I should be helping a client, or working on my latest program. But the truth is, I fell back into my old comfortable habits. You see, food has always been my friend. It’s carried me through some pretty tough stuff. It’s always there for me, and it’s a quick way to temporarily feel better. I think I’ve used being BUSY as an excuse to eat rather than take care of myself.
Finding balance has always been a struggle for me. I’m definitely a Type A overachieving people pleaser. If I can’t do something perfect, I’d rather not do it at all. I’m not a big fan of failure, especially in front of people I know.
Around the end of January, something I had worked hard on didn’t turn out the way I’d planned. Little by little, life started piling up on me. Naturally, I stopped putting myself first and took care of everyone else. I know it’s unhealthy to wear being busy and putting others first as a badge of honor, but that’s always been a fallback for me.
I don’t have time to eat healthy.
Or love myself.
That’s what it really comes down to for me–loving myself. I know that I’m worth it. Really. I do.
One of the members of my online fitness group recently shared her struggle with staying motivated to care for herself, eat healthy, and exercise. I gave her lots of advice, but the gist of it was to look at slip-ups as an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Long-term weight loss is like climbing up a mountain. Nobody climbs a mountain straight up. There are switchbacks and spots where you stop to catch your breath. What’s important is that you don’t stop completely and find yourself back at the bottom of the mountain again.
I’ve committed to myself that I’ll never have to start over at the bottom of the mountain. I’ve gained back a few of the pounds that I lost, but I feel a renewed desire to focus on me again.
The truth is, weight loss isn’t easy for me, but it’s really not easy for anyone. You have to care about yourself enough that you don’t give up. It’s okay to take a break and to be less than perfect, but when life happens, don’t let it knock you off course–stand up and say, “I MATTER!”
Join the Conversation
Have you experienced a pause on your path to weight-loss or fitness? What did you do to overcome it?
Image courtesy of Marin | freedigitalphotos.net